monday motivation // don’t give up

Hi guys, I’m sorry I’ve been a little MIA lately- but no worries! I’m still here! Today’s Monday motivation post is a vulnerable one, but as I’m sitting down to write it- I hope that at least one of you beautiful souls that reads it today- needed to read it.

But here’s a little back story- a few weekend vlogs back, I shared that I was going to an MTEL prep course in Cambridge, MA to help me pass the Math Subtest for the Massachusetts Test for Educator Licensure, and for those of you who know me, know very well how much I’ve struggled with these. And for those of you who don’t know me- teaching has been the number one thing I want to do in this life since I was in elementary school (so needless to say these tests that I’ve failed 10+ times have been a major thorn in my side lol).  Fast forward to this past Thursday after work, I had gotten an email from the instructor of the class telling us that we will receive our scores at 10pm on Friday and to let him know if we passed. 

Thank goodness that I was so busy on Friday that I didn’t even have a chance to think about it. Between work, doing Isabella’s makeup for prom and then going out to eat with Ben afterwards I literally had completely forgot. Once Ben and I finished at dinner and got in the car I looked at my phone and I see an email, “es- mtelreg MTEL SCORE REPORT.”  At that moment my stomach was in my throat and I was instantly nauseous, not to be dramatic- but I literally couldn’t bring myself to look at. Ben offered to look at it for me, but I didn’t want to see his face if there was a “did not meet qualifying score” at the top of the attachment, so I sent the email to Tanner (I’m sorry Tan for putting you on the spot) and asked him to give me a yes or no. But since I’m beyond impatient lol said, “screw it” and I opened the attachment. Simultaneously, as my heart dropped to the pit of my stomach, an expletive came soaring out of my mouth.  The qualifying score on the MTEL is a 240, I didn’t get the “Met Qualifying Score” but I saw a 237, three points away from being that much closer to my dream job. At this point, I’m kind of thinking that there’s something wrong with the Pearson testing facilities computer and maybe its unable to write that on MY score sheets? Or maybe Pearson just likes the influx of money they receive from me… the world may never know.

Ok, so I kid I kid- but in all honesty I’ve seen that more times than not, that I’ll be floored when I see that I passed.  So what’s the moral of the story and how the heck is this motivational Marinna? Well as I laid in bed that night trying to get my mind off it, I ended up on Pinterest and while I was looking at cute summery outfits, and yummy smoothies, I came across a quote that instantly turned the water works on (& if I’m being completely honest it’s making me cry right now too) it said, “I wonder if God ever looks down, laugh’s a little, shakes his head and says ‘look how stressed and worried she is about this thing. If only she knew how insignificant it will turn out to be’ I’m almost 100% sure that the big man placed it there so I would see it, because he knew how badly I needed it.

So whats the moral of the story you ask? I want any of you that are struggling with something near and dear to your heart – to take a deep breath. Things always have a way of working themselves out, and trust me, I know it might be hard to look at it in that light right now. But by taking a deep breath, you’ll be able to see the end goal clearly, recognize how challenging the journey was, and how incredibly rewarding it’ll be once you finally reach it.

xoxo

Marinna